Silence is golden!

Just to clarify, my disappearance isn't because I have a fundamentally sour disposition and I only feel like talking baseball when I have something to complain about. Not that that's not probably true anyway, but more importantly I've noticed that the team keeps winning when I'm silent, so my lips are sealed. Finding a way to win is something Yankee teams have lacked in recent years, and that seems to be changing. And that's pretty great. And that's all I have to say about it.

Happy anniversary, Doc Gooden

In my lifetime there have been just four Yankee no-hitters. I was at two, and had tickets for another but didn't go (Sorry, David Wells). The only one I never possessed a ticket for was Doc Gooden's, 13 years ago today. Much has changed since then, and since I'm permanently fixated on the good half of the Torre era, there's no need for me to detail it here as opposed to elsewhere. I just thought it would be nice to give Dr. K a nod, and wish him well (he's managed to stay out of trouble for a few years, and that's encouraging).

Truth in Advertising

Well, they lied to us about building a worthy successor to the Home Office for Baseball. They lied to us about opening the old place early on the last day so we could pay our respects. They even lied to us about how tall the right field fence is in the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience.

But for anyone who has wondered whether the confederacy of dunces who run our team would give us some truth, take heart: Our moment has arrived!

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye free (of thy money, which thou shalt give to Steiner and the Yankees).

By the way, this probably explains why my inquiries as to buying the sign "BOX 323 A-F" off the railing in right field went ignored...except that it's not in the auction, either.

Saved by zero

A-Rod saved us. Hail prima donna, full of grace. You know, aside from the fact that his three RBI didn't technically affect the outcome of the game.

But I've decided to be positive about him as long as possible, since I've failed at my attempt to be positive about the Yankees' permanent homelessness. So actually, I'm going to credit the early lead he provided Sabathia with giving CC the confidence/comfort level he needed to have his first truly dominant start of the year.

I'm also not going to say that we finally saw "the real CC." We've been seeing the real CC all along. A good pitcher, but not a great one, who has flashes of brilliance like last night. We got him because we needed starters. We drastically overpaid for him because the Yankees show love by wasting money, just as they expect their fans to do. However, if the man could continue getting run support, and Captain Buzzcut would continue letting him stay in when he has a lead so the bullpen can't blow it, he could certainly prove himself to be the #1 starter we've told ourselves he is.

Too bad that will never happen.

Wait! Positive thoughts! Good thing that has finally started to happen. Let's hope it continues.

As a side note, why are we in Baltimore again for the second time in 5 weeks? Who makes these schedules? They're absurd.

And Alex: I still don't like you, but thanks for the runs. Now sit down and shut up until it's time to play again.

BREAKING NEWS: A-Rod Returns; Cashman OK's Plan to Win Ball Games

BALTIMORE -- The Yankees have received permission from general manager Brian Cashman to play like professional ballplayers again, according to a source close to the Yankee front office. The unnamed source leaked a memo from Cashman to noted buzzcut enthusiast Joe Girardi, putting an official end to the club's monthlong charade of mediocrity.

"With the return of our petulant cash cow to the lineup this evening, I am pleased to inform you that you are now free to win games," Cashman wrote. "I thank you for your cooperation in scuttling those irritating questions as to whether we should have re-signed Alex by creating the illusion that his contributions to the team are almost worth putting up with his various shenanigans."

Cashman declined to comment on the memo, but added, "It's plain to see that without Alex, we have potential, but we're pretty mediocre. I mean look at how we kept stranding guys on base... thank Boras we have Alex back in the lineup so we can get some clutch hitting."

Asked whether he, as general manager, bore any responsibility for the Yankees' multilayered ineptitude in the third baseman's absence, Cashman grew visibly irritated. "Look, I agree. It would be nice if someone could manage the personnel, you know, in general," Cashman grumbled. "You know, just generally manage the team, and make sure we're not overly relying on guys many years past their prime, or guys who are in their prime and just aren't very good. But who do you figure is going to do that kind of general management? I'm just the general manager, okay? What do you want from me? This interview is over."

Acoustical aberrance or ultimate in fan convenience?

I've noticed something. No joke. I haven't been to the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience yet (and in fact I realized I can't make it to the one game with $5 tickets I was able to nab some seats for before the season started, so I might in fact be going back to my original vow never to set foot inside; $5 being the maximum I will spend to enter this limestone travesty), so maybe this is some sort of oddity of the TV microphones.

But...and really, this is not a joke, not based on the team's piss poor week, or on anything else. Am I the only one who has noticed that the ambient noise in the Interactive Yankeetainment experience is a medium-pitched whine akin to endless boos? Seriously, no matter what the crowd's actual reaction is, everything sounds like boos. Could it be the slats along the back of the upper deck causing the wind to whistle? I honestly have no idea, but the sound annoys the hell out of me, to the point where I can't watch a whole home game on TV.

Then again, given recent events, maybe it's just as well that the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience itself is doing the booing. After all, it saves us (well, those of us who feel like blowing a few days' pay on watching the fifth coming of the 2005 Yankees, which doesn't necessarily include me)  the trouble. Finally, a useful feature in this mafioso-wedding-factory of a ballpark.

As for tonight's game, as Tex would say, "We play today, we lose today. Dassit."

P.S.: Or is the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience telling us to hire Lou Piniella once we're done with this experiment of having a surly wax figure with a bad haircut as our manager?

“We just found another way to lose tonight.”

That's what Mark Teixiera said after last night's soaking wet debacle. The post-Paul O'Neill Yankees have specialized for nearly a decade now in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. I know, I know. Think of all the 100 win seasons in there, and all the division titles. It's true. And it's all the more amazing, given the ingenuity for creative losing that has gradually encroached upon Yankeeland.

It's hard to say which is worse: the stranding of copious numbers of runners on base, or the semi-regular implosion of the bullpen. I will say this: as toxic a combination as it is, it's even worse when they DON'T happen at the same time, as in the case of last night's game. A good effort by the bullpen was wasted. Tonight, it could easily be the inverse. We'll just find another way to lose.

By the way, Tex, you've also captured an overall attitude problem with the Post-O'Neill Yankees. It's not that it's not an apt description of what happened. It's just that it sounds so resigned, so pathetic. Comments like those are supposed to be reserved for pessimistic bloggers like me. Players are supposed to expect better of themselves and their teammates. They're supposed to make T-shirts that say "We play today, we win today...Dassit!" Where have you gone, Mariano Duncan? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.