Away games are the answer

Well, having gone last night to my first away game since 1999, I now see the solution to all my ambivalence about going to Yankee games: go to away games.

You see, for the first time in the A-Rod era, I went to a game last night and did not come back grumbling about the absurdity of the "security theatre" performed at the gates, the complete lack of freedom of movement inside the stadium, the zealous ushers and security staff who clearly would rather you didn't show up, the "fans" who clearly know nothing about baseball but will pick a fight if you fail to stand up on every single meaningless two-strike count, the incredibly disrespectful people who will stand quietly for "The Star-Spangled Banner" (with their hands over their hearts, no less, apparently confusing it with the pledge of allegiance?) then go back to whatever it was they were doing if "O Canada" comes along, or any of the countless irritations I have come to expect.

My theory on this is simple: The Yankees have created an environment in which many of us really are duped into thinking they're doing us a favor by letting us bask in their presence. They reinforce that notion constantly, with the faux-Copland theme music in their advertising, their feeble but tireless attempts to put Melky Cabrera in a class with Joe DiMaggio, and their newest monument to their rich history (in favor of which they've chosen to eradicate the largest artifact of said history). 

In short, they make it very hard for a thinking person to continue to support the team...and that's the idea. After all, if you think, you might stop spending. But there is a solution: follow the team on the road, where you can actually get close to the players during fielding practice. Where instead of feeding the beast and encouraging the front office to continue solving its problems by throwing money at them, you'll be bringing some other front office one step closer to being able to pursue that strategy...which doesn't actually work so well, thus saving us from having to worry about cohesive, hungry teams getting in the way of our motley crew of aging prima donnas. Where you'll still find plenty of fellow Yankee fans, but since they cared enough to follow the team to an away game, they'll actually know what they're talking about.

Anyway, breakfast awaits, but I'm definitely planning on going back for the second game tonight.

Back among the living, or Rogers, Please Buy My Ballclub

Greetings from the Great White North. I am indeed writing from Toronto, and fresh off a tour of Rogers Centre in advance of tomorrow night's game.

If you're keeping score at home, this will be the only Yankee game I go to this year, unless I decide to go again Wednesday, which I just might. Why? Well, first of all, my ticket cost $12 Canadian, which as of this moment is $11.25 US. And it is directly behind home plate. In the upper deck, yes, but the Yankees see fit to charge $80 for the equivalent seat in the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience.

But I digress. Sort of. The tour. I'll post pictures later, hopefully, but here are some thoughts and observations.

1. First impressions. From outside, Rogers Centre looks like a basketball/hockey facility, only larger, rather than one for baseball and football. The "arena" look carries over throughout...you enter through glass doors rather than garage doors or gates, the concourses are wide but have low ceilings, and so forth. Two large sculptures, collectively titled "The Audience" adorn the ends of the roof's tracks on the Front Street end of the building. These make for interesting photos from outside if you find the right angle with the CN Tower behind them. Overall, it's nothing spectacular from without, but not ugly either. It gets the job done.

2. A closer look. We couldn't go on the field because they were still finishing up converting the stadium from its CFL football setup (the Argos suffered a tough loss to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers on Saturday; I thought of going to that game, too, but I had just rolled into town and was tired), but watching the grounds crew hard at work (and on Simcoe Day no less!) was actually more interesting. A Shea Stadium-like setup allows the lower level to be configured for baseball or football by moving the stands around on tracks. The pitcher's mound can be raised or leveled from underneath using hydraulics. The dugout roofs can be removed (and the benches go with them) and stored behind the outfield fence.

From a spectator's perspective, sightlines are decent from all around, similar to what you'd expect from a convertible stadium of this type. Two premium sections, Club 200 and Club VIP, go for about $75 a seat. A luxury suite for 30 goes for $2000, or about $67 a head. Chew on that one for a while, fellow Yankee fans. That wouldn't even pay for one seat in the 'tainment Experience's tonier sections. One such is decorated as the "Blue Jays Hall of Fame" and is packed with team memorabilia, mainly from the early 90s as you might expect. Vertical circulation is by ramps because that actually makes sense in a high traffic setting, no matter how much folksier stairs might seem. Are you listening, HOK+Sport? I hope it never becomes an issue, but if there's ever a fire or a bomb scare or something in Camden Yardses numbers 1 through 21, people are going to get trampled. Seriously.

3. Conclusions. Rogers Centre does what it needs to do. It's not the most beautiful place you'll ever see a ball game, but it's comfortable, it's functional, and it's honest about itself. This is a semi-public space where people come to sit for a few hours and watch an event. The people coming in are, based on preliminary observations, actually made to feel welcome, and while they are not necessarily overwhelmed by an evocative setting, neither are they treated like intruders when they arrive (which seems to be the Faustian tradeoff for a casino with a baseball field inside). The event is the show, not the facility, and I think, ultimately, that's okay. The only gee-whiz thing is, of course, the roof, which is really impressive in person. Like most architecture on this scale from the period (opened 1989), it's fairly bland. But compared to the ostentatious stupidity and postmodernist, Mickey Mouse nostalgia for an era that never existed that have been the unifying theme among all the baseball stadia that have opened since, bland suddenly never looked so good.

4. A rant. Basically what I learned today is that not all baseball clubs are run by a tribunal of escapees from a mental institution. In fact, a multibillion dollar telecom enterprise (Rogers) is, scarily enough, a more fan-friendly and less egomaniacal owner than any of the clowns who run the Yankees. Much as I sometimes pondered defecting from Shrubya's Amurrica to Canada, part of me now wonders what it would be like to pull up stakes and leave behind all I know and love in baseball, and defect from Hankee's Yankees to a team run more efficiently and more humanely. I know that steadily plodding along like the Jays (or like Canada) does not a superpower make. I just don't know that being a superpower is worth it if you have to constantly betray your principles, while restating them ever more loudly and belligerently and meaninglessly, in order to get there and stay there.

Anyway, no need to attempt to re-educate me. I will continue to support the Yankees no matter how offensive I find their current leadership. Rather, if you take issue with the opinions expressed herein, well, take off, eh!

Silence is golden!

Just to clarify, my disappearance isn't because I have a fundamentally sour disposition and I only feel like talking baseball when I have something to complain about. Not that that's not probably true anyway, but more importantly I've noticed that the team keeps winning when I'm silent, so my lips are sealed. Finding a way to win is something Yankee teams have lacked in recent years, and that seems to be changing. And that's pretty great. And that's all I have to say about it.

Happy anniversary, Doc Gooden

In my lifetime there have been just four Yankee no-hitters. I was at two, and had tickets for another but didn't go (Sorry, David Wells). The only one I never possessed a ticket for was Doc Gooden's, 13 years ago today. Much has changed since then, and since I'm permanently fixated on the good half of the Torre era, there's no need for me to detail it here as opposed to elsewhere. I just thought it would be nice to give Dr. K a nod, and wish him well (he's managed to stay out of trouble for a few years, and that's encouraging).

Truth in Advertising

Well, they lied to us about building a worthy successor to the Home Office for Baseball. They lied to us about opening the old place early on the last day so we could pay our respects. They even lied to us about how tall the right field fence is in the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience.

But for anyone who has wondered whether the confederacy of dunces who run our team would give us some truth, take heart: Our moment has arrived!

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye free (of thy money, which thou shalt give to Steiner and the Yankees).

By the way, this probably explains why my inquiries as to buying the sign "BOX 323 A-F" off the railing in right field went ignored...except that it's not in the auction, either.

Saved by zero

A-Rod saved us. Hail prima donna, full of grace. You know, aside from the fact that his three RBI didn't technically affect the outcome of the game.

But I've decided to be positive about him as long as possible, since I've failed at my attempt to be positive about the Yankees' permanent homelessness. So actually, I'm going to credit the early lead he provided Sabathia with giving CC the confidence/comfort level he needed to have his first truly dominant start of the year.

I'm also not going to say that we finally saw "the real CC." We've been seeing the real CC all along. A good pitcher, but not a great one, who has flashes of brilliance like last night. We got him because we needed starters. We drastically overpaid for him because the Yankees show love by wasting money, just as they expect their fans to do. However, if the man could continue getting run support, and Captain Buzzcut would continue letting him stay in when he has a lead so the bullpen can't blow it, he could certainly prove himself to be the #1 starter we've told ourselves he is.

Too bad that will never happen.

Wait! Positive thoughts! Good thing that has finally started to happen. Let's hope it continues.

As a side note, why are we in Baltimore again for the second time in 5 weeks? Who makes these schedules? They're absurd.

And Alex: I still don't like you, but thanks for the runs. Now sit down and shut up until it's time to play again.

BREAKING NEWS: A-Rod Returns; Cashman OK's Plan to Win Ball Games

BALTIMORE -- The Yankees have received permission from general manager Brian Cashman to play like professional ballplayers again, according to a source close to the Yankee front office. The unnamed source leaked a memo from Cashman to noted buzzcut enthusiast Joe Girardi, putting an official end to the club's monthlong charade of mediocrity.

"With the return of our petulant cash cow to the lineup this evening, I am pleased to inform you that you are now free to win games," Cashman wrote. "I thank you for your cooperation in scuttling those irritating questions as to whether we should have re-signed Alex by creating the illusion that his contributions to the team are almost worth putting up with his various shenanigans."

Cashman declined to comment on the memo, but added, "It's plain to see that without Alex, we have potential, but we're pretty mediocre. I mean look at how we kept stranding guys on base... thank Boras we have Alex back in the lineup so we can get some clutch hitting."

Asked whether he, as general manager, bore any responsibility for the Yankees' multilayered ineptitude in the third baseman's absence, Cashman grew visibly irritated. "Look, I agree. It would be nice if someone could manage the personnel, you know, in general," Cashman grumbled. "You know, just generally manage the team, and make sure we're not overly relying on guys many years past their prime, or guys who are in their prime and just aren't very good. But who do you figure is going to do that kind of general management? I'm just the general manager, okay? What do you want from me? This interview is over."