Acoustical aberrance or ultimate in fan convenience?

I've noticed something. No joke. I haven't been to the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience yet (and in fact I realized I can't make it to the one game with $5 tickets I was able to nab some seats for before the season started, so I might in fact be going back to my original vow never to set foot inside; $5 being the maximum I will spend to enter this limestone travesty), so maybe this is some sort of oddity of the TV microphones.

But...and really, this is not a joke, not based on the team's piss poor week, or on anything else. Am I the only one who has noticed that the ambient noise in the Interactive Yankeetainment experience is a medium-pitched whine akin to endless boos? Seriously, no matter what the crowd's actual reaction is, everything sounds like boos. Could it be the slats along the back of the upper deck causing the wind to whistle? I honestly have no idea, but the sound annoys the hell out of me, to the point where I can't watch a whole home game on TV.

Then again, given recent events, maybe it's just as well that the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience itself is doing the booing. After all, it saves us (well, those of us who feel like blowing a few days' pay on watching the fifth coming of the 2005 Yankees, which doesn't necessarily include me)  the trouble. Finally, a useful feature in this mafioso-wedding-factory of a ballpark.

As for tonight's game, as Tex would say, "We play today, we lose today. Dassit."

P.S.: Or is the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience telling us to hire Lou Piniella once we're done with this experiment of having a surly wax figure with a bad haircut as our manager?

“We just found another way to lose tonight.”

That's what Mark Teixiera said after last night's soaking wet debacle. The post-Paul O'Neill Yankees have specialized for nearly a decade now in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. I know, I know. Think of all the 100 win seasons in there, and all the division titles. It's true. And it's all the more amazing, given the ingenuity for creative losing that has gradually encroached upon Yankeeland.

It's hard to say which is worse: the stranding of copious numbers of runners on base, or the semi-regular implosion of the bullpen. I will say this: as toxic a combination as it is, it's even worse when they DON'T happen at the same time, as in the case of last night's game. A good effort by the bullpen was wasted. Tonight, it could easily be the inverse. We'll just find another way to lose.

By the way, Tex, you've also captured an overall attitude problem with the Post-O'Neill Yankees. It's not that it's not an apt description of what happened. It's just that it sounds so resigned, so pathetic. Comments like those are supposed to be reserved for pessimistic bloggers like me. Players are supposed to expect better of themselves and their teammates. They're supposed to make T-shirts that say "We play today, we win today...Dassit!" Where have you gone, Mariano Duncan? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

This? THIS is the tradition you bothered to carry over?

So while the Yankees see no problem pissing all over their fans, pissing all over their history, and pissing all over the greatest cathedral the sporting world ever knew, they apparently have a problem with their fans pissing all over their shiny new urinals, at least while one of the worst renditions of any song ever recorded is being blasted over the Fan Re-Education System.

I refer, of course, to the playing of "God Bless America," as recored by Kate Smith, during the 7th inning stretch, which is easily the one tradition from the Stadium I would not have missed if they hadn't brought it over to the Interactive Yankeetainment Experience.

And yet, in an impressive display of failing to appreciate the irony of the situation, some geniuses with badges decided to teach one fan the value of the freedom he was supposed to be singing about by proving that he wasn't even free to not sing about it if he didn't feel like it. Let's say that again, slowly, for those of you who think it makes sense:

(a) It's a free country

(b) The Yankees want us to show our appreciation of (a) by blindly singing along with a 400 pound dead woman while she asks God to bless our secular undertakings, thus devaluing both God and America.

(c) In a free country, one would theoretically be allowed to go to the bathroom during such a display as (b) if so inclined.

(d) If (c) is false, then (a) is false and (b) is all the more ridiculous.

(e) The "experts" who provide "security" at "Yankee Stadium"  believe (c) is false.

(f) Does anybody else see the irony here?

Look, I love my country as much as the next guy, provided that guy doesn't drive a pickup truck and insist on pronouncing it "Amurrica," in which case, he probably loves his country more than he loves anything besides Busch Light, and that's really none of my concern. But why should I have to engage in some hollow gesture to prove it? Why should anyone have to prove it at all? Does life here on planet Earth get one iota better or worse if I'm in the john while the Yankees continue to pretend to be the Philadelphia Flyers? I sincerely doubt it. If God is that petty, why are we asking for his blessing? If the notion of "freedom" is so flimsy that I'm not even allowed to make my own decision as to whether I feel like singing a song or hitting the head, then what good is a "free" country and why should anyone bother singing about it?

Oh, and to top it all off, they couldn't even be bothered to win the ball game. Thanks, Yanks.

Nick Swisher: Bugs Bunny in our midst?

I'm reminded of Bugs Bunny's showdown with the Gashouse Gorillas: Now pitching, Bugs Bunny, now catching, Bugs Bunny, now playing first base, Bugs Bunny, second base Bugs Bunny, shortstop Bugs Bunny, third base, Bugs Bunny, left field Bugs Bunny, center field Bugs Bunny, right field Bugs Bunny.

Except replace Bugs Bunny with Nick Swisher.

And then shoot me. Please. Swisher is no Wade Boggs, or even a Mike Aldrete. And yet, as Michael Kay just said (because for better or for worse, he and I have a tendency to think the same thing at the same time) Swisher pitched the best inning of the ball game for the Yankees tonight. Just keep telling yourself: it's just one out of 162.

Coke, fiend.

The title is misleading. Though the Royals managed to have a Coke and a smile, Phil Coke wasn't the problem per se. He was beating himself up after the game, but let's be honest: there was no reason to bring him in. In a bizarre and ironic twist, Veras had been brought in as a "righty specialist" and didn't get the job done. But let's not crucify Veras, either. The bigger question is what buzzcut-sporting genius decided to pull Marte for no reason other than the lefty-righty game? 

Am I being unfair to Girardi? Maybe. He continues to inspire very little confidence in me, and so it's always going to be tempting for me to point a finger his way in these situations.

Meanwhile, what were the Royals wearing? I love powder blue unis as much as the next guy, provided the next guy is my cousin, who is the only other guy who likes powder blue unis (Hi Frank), but there were serious problems here. First commandment of powder blue unis: Thou shalt wear powder blue pants with thy powder blue jersey. I will waive commandment #2 (thou shalt not wear powder blue at home) on the grounds that the Royals wore powder blue at home in the height of the Powder Blue Era. However, note the white-on-blue lettering on George Brett in this...uh...interesting photo:

The Royals' alternate shirt as seen today was blue-on-white-on-blue, which looked like death. It looked, actually, like they just ripped the patches off their whites and sewed them on the blues. 

By the way, apparently the Royals had these unis last year, too... I could just admit that I forgot and/or hadn't noticed, but instead I'm going to pretend I just felt the need to comment now because I didn't have a blog then.

Wang goes limp...

I'm told Wang was limp in his start tonight. I wouldn't know, I just got home from work, after spending 17 hours there. In other news, Alex Rodriguez made my annual salary between the hours of 12 midnight and 9 am today in exchange for his efforts at not playing baseball.

Pitching wins ball games

Pitching wins ball games. Pitching also loses ball games. Fortunately, there are 161 more games still to be played. On the plus side, with the exception of one particularly bad pitch from Phil Coke, who was otherwise pretty good, the bullpen was fairly solid. The offense was less than efficient, leaving enough men on base to make the 2007 or 2008 Yankees jealous, but the important thing on that front was the strong comeback drive over the middle portion of the game, as well as a good combination of power and manufactured runs. There are still 161 more games ahead, and it's safe (I certainly hope) to assume the starting pitching, particularly from Sabathia, will be better for many if not most of them. Our first baseman will also make himself a bit more useful on offense, I suspect, so these things will sort themselves out.

Remember the none-too-auspicious beginning for the 1998 Yankees, and don't sweat this one too much. There are 161 more games to go, and if this is to be the toughest loss we endure, then we're lucky fans indeed.